No Laughing Matter
by questiongirl
Summary: RealiTy: world or state of things as they actually exist. How do we know what we see is real? This is a story about one Doctor's obsession to try and cure the most insane patient at Arkham.


Just off the corner of Gotham City was the imprisonment facility known as Arkham Asylum. Heavily guarded and gated not many were allowed in and out of the Asylum. One this day an exception was made for Alfred, as Commissioner Gordon's police car rolled through the gates. The two comrades left Gotham City behind in hopes to check up on a patient's sanity. Alfred was not technically allowed behind the gates, but Commissioner knew he could make an exception for his old friend, Bruce Wayne.

The screams and laughter of the insane made Alfred tense as he entered the hallway. The things he did for his Master. To his surprise the Asylum was not as cold or grungy as he imagined. Most of the cells in this wing were of white walls, instead of cold metal slabs. "Once again I would like to thank you Commissioner Gordon for all your help. I know you don't normally allow visits from the outside."

The old Commissioner gave a smile, glad to help his old friend. He knew what Alfred had been through. The loss of the Wayne's were not just hard on Bruce, but Alfred as well. He was glad that he could help Bruce and Alfred. "It's no problem Alfred."

Silence fell upon the two colleague as they walked down the hall. What could they talk about? What could they say? Gotham's crime was not any better, the numbers of inmates were still on the rise. Alfred did feel bad for Gordon, his job required a lot of patience and time to deal with psychopaths.

"Have you seen Miss. Kyle lately." Alfred offers as a conversation starter. Of course Miss Kyle had not always been what Alfred would call on his good side, but she was a friend of Master Waynes. That was all that mattered. Alfred had hope in Miss Kyle. Hope that her relationship with Bruce would help him return to a normal life. One without the Batman.

"The thief?" Commissioner Gordon tilted his head trying to remember. He encountered a lot of people on a regular basis. Selina Kyle, a woman with movements as stealthy as a cat. She escaped Arkham a few times with her stealing addiction. Luckily the Kleptomaniac would always be brought to justice, locked beside her favorite inmate. "No. Actually I am impressed, I haven't seen her on the streets since she has been declared sane. Why?"

"I just wondered. Master Wayne has had an infatuation with her for quite some time The two have become good friends over the years."

"That he has." Gordon scanned his id as they entered another sector of the Asylum. The patient they were looking for would be at the center of it all. He was too insane to be let near the other inmates. "What are you getting at Alfred?"

 _What was he getting at?_ Alfred wondered, pausing. Did he really expect Miss. Kyle sanity to make for the happy ending that Bruce deserved. Did he really believe that when all this was over Selina and Bruce would wind up happy, with no fighting and without her trying to steal from him. "I hope that other inmates are encouraged by her success, and try to follow in her footsteps."

"Now Alfred, that is something we can both agree on."Commissioner Gordon smiled. He took his job seriously, which meant having to visit Arkham a couple times a day to check up on the ones that he had hope in.

The sound of clicking of bright red heels came from behind Commissioner Gordon and Alfred, "You boys back so soon?" The voice belonged to a bright young doctor, Dr. Harleen Quinzel. She was one of the many doctors working on the patient Alfred and Commissioner Gordon came to see. Harleen Quinzel had bright blonde hair, which was pulled back into a bun. Unlike many other Doctor's she was always cheerful, wearing bright red lipstick, a white button down blouse and black skirt. Her makeup was a bit much, but suited the girl quite nicely. Yes, Doctor Quinzel was one of the youngest Doctor's at Arkham, and lately had taken on one of the hardest cases her and her fellow doctor had ever been a part of. She waved a nice hello at the two men.

"Doctor Quinzel, a pleasure to meet you." Alfred gave a small gesture, shaking her hand. The girl's blue eyes light up. "Pleasure to meetcha too, I've heard so much about you."

"You have?"Alfred tilted his head with the utmost curiosity.

Doctor Quinzel ignored him as she smiled at Commissioner Gordon. Sure, they did not always get along, but it was not like her to carry a grudge against him. Even if she thought he was to cold with the patients, always coming in to interrogate them without her consent. "And Commissioner, long time no see."

"I suppose you know why Alfred and I are here.." The Commissioner said sternly.

Her expression fell, "No, I can't say that I do." Harleen lied, looking down at her files. She hated when the Commissioner intervened. She felt he always pushed him away deeper into his insanity when he was faced with the Commissioner.

"It's about your most recent patient , you have heard that he has been at Arkham far too long for you and Dr. Carr to try anything the other doctors have not tried already."

"So you expect me to give up on him?" Harleen huffs, crossing her arms. "I do not give up on my patients Commissioner Gordon. Let me tell you that Dr. Carr brought me on staff because I am good at what I do, and he knew I would give him the same amount of attention, if not more, to try and help the poor bastard. Our concern is genuine, like it is with every patient. We both want to help and I won't fail him like the others Doctors have time and time again Commissioner." Her voice is upset, coming off a little cold as the young lady glared at the Commissioner. _How dare he act like she does nothing._ She thought, pressing her arms against her chest. If only he knew how much time she was spending with her patients. Then maybe he would give her the respect she deserved.

"None of us are judging your skills Dr. Quinzel, but the insane-"

"He is a good guy Commissioner!" Harleen interrupts once more, unable to keep her tongue quiet. "I won't abandon him, progress or not."

That was the final word she would have on the matter. The Commissioner was sure if he wanted to see the patient today he would have to calm her down. She always invested her heart in her patients. He did respect that. "I know you feel that way Doctor..." His voice trailed off.

Dr. Quinzel's voice is soft, taking a deep breath. "His heart is in the right place. His childhood trauma is not his fault.." She protests once more, trying to defend him.

"I know that and the Commissioner knows that. We're glad you care so much Doctor Quinzel." Alfred gives a small nod. Thankful that at least one Doctor in the asylum was not cold and scornful to the patients. The young lady seemed invested in their sucess.

"I am sorry I got carried away." She pushes a blonde piece of hair out of her face. "I've just seen everyone working so hard. We were hoping for some progress around now-" Her head lowers slightly.

"Dr. Quinzel, I never said that I want you to give up on him it's just-" A tap on the Commissioner Gordon's shoulder alerts him to the presence of another person. He frowns, seeing the most annoying person at Arkham standing behind him. "Ed."

The man behind the dorky square spectacles smiles, "Riddle me this Commissioner: What thing all things devours: Birds, beasts, trees, flowers; Gnaws iron, bites steel; Grinds hard stones to meal; Slays king, ruins town, And beats high mountain down. What am I?"

For this reason Commissioner Gordon could not stand Mr. Nygma and his riddles. The man thought of himself above every Doctor and patient here. Of course now of all times he had no answer to the ridiculous riddle. He rolled his eyes.

Doctor Harleen smiled, finding amusement in the way Edward had flustered the Commissioner. She could not say many faces at Arkham found the Commissioner to be anything more then a annoyance. Just listening around the hallways you could here both inmates and doctors talking bad about him. All he did was give the doctor's more work, and prolonged their patients success.

Alfred on the other hand was capable of putting together what the man had meant. "Time."

"Time, and that my friend is just what every good patient needs. Time. Isn't that right Harleen?" Harleen smiled, giving a small nod. "Exactly Ed."

"Harleen?" Commissioner Gordon eyed with the utmost curiosity on why the first name bases. She shrugged it off. Ed was too kind for formalities.

He tilted the brim of his hat with a smile. Ed knew he himself was on his way out, and he did not like to dottle long. "Well I must go hopefully I will see you later Doctor Quinzel." He went to walk by the group before pausing. "Might you give Dr. Crane a riddle for me, if you were to see him again today. I hate to see that man go without one." Dr. Quinzel knew and Mr. Nygma were the utmost of friends. Outside of the walls of Arkham they were all friends, which is what Harleen believed made this place special.

"Will do Mistah Nygma." Harleen waved goodbye.

"Anyways Doctor Quinzel. Alfred and I were wondering have you and Dr. Carr made any progress yet?"

Her smile fell. She did not feel like addressing Commissioner about their lack of success so she turned to his partner. "We're trying Mistah Alfred." Her cute Brooklyn accent slipped from her lips a bit more heavily because of her nervousness. "He still won't let help him." She sighed, running a hand through her pony tail. "But Miss Kyle on the other hand-"

Commissioner Gordon nodded, stopping her from continuing on. "We've heard."

"Can you just tell us how he is doing?" Alfred asks as the three of them stop outside his cell. What more were they doing then standing on the outside looking in? Harleen sighed, she was afraid no amount of positive re-enforcement could ever help this patient.

"Not well." Harleen confessed to the two men, her eyes remained focused on her love.

In the very same room as the man they called insane, a psychopath, was the man she loved. Harleen's big secret was despite her attempts to keep the 'single' look around Arkham, her heart belonged to the man behind the one way glass. She knew Gordon and Alfred were talking about him, but her mind was elsewhere. All she could imagine is the date they planned for tonight. Once they got out of Arkham, he was taking her to that carnival that came in town. Harleen could not imagine the last time she had been to a carnival. Her date gave her hope, hope that the day would soon be over. Once she had finished dealing with the annoying Commissioner and Alfred she would soon return home, slip on a nice dress and wait for him to arrive. Her boyfriend was beyond brave, risking his life every second to help people see the real world.

" , did you hear the question?" Commissioner Gordon asked, smirking as he noticed he caught the Doctor off guard.

Harleen blushed, seeing she was caught not paying attention. Her friend Pamela taught her a kind smile could fix anything around men. Harleen gave an innocent smile as she replied. "No, I'm sorry I was thinking about something else." Her job required honesty, and that's exactly what she gave to the Commissioner and Alfred. "

"What do you mean when you said he was not doing well?" Alfred asked, looking concerned.

sighed, "As you know most of us here at Arkham have been trying to get through to him. We understand he is a high priority case but lately, I have become a part of his hallucination." She confessed, lowering her eyes. Harleen hoped a fresh face would be able to bring him out of his own world, get him to understand his situation. Sadly, she was wrong. "I'm sorry Commissioner, this is not what you want to hear, but he keeps calling me Harley, Harley Quinn..." Trying to sound positive Harleen smiles. She hoped this would not be a reason to reassign her, this was her first high priority case. She really wanted to stick to it. "-but it's okay, we can work with that.."

"Could this be an attempt to connect with you on a more personal level?" Alfred asks as Doctor Carr comes out of the room.

"I'm afraid it's not..."Dr. Carr looked back at the one way glass that kept the patient from seeing them. He took a deep breath. His patient was inside his own world, no person in their right mind could ever understand the reality he lived in. "Commissioner... Alfred...pleasure to see you two again." He had a small smile on his face, as he was trying his best to remain optimistic.

"Good to see you again." Commission Gordon goes to shake hands with Dr. Carr. They knew each other well for Dr. Carr was the longest running Doctor at Arkham, after himself. "I don't know how you do Joe. I swear you're the only Doctor in this whole ward that can remain smiling after all you've seen these past few years."

Dr. Carr smiles grows, making eye contact with the beautiful Harleen Quinzel. The woman had one amazing smile. Hopefully she remembered their date tonight. "Hey, if anything, it's Bruce that makes me smile." He turned to Alfred, trying to give the old man hope. "Each session he has a new story about this Batman and one of us around here...hopefully one day I can return the favor and see his smiling face walk out of here."

"Thank you Doctor Carr." Alfred nods, looking into the cell. _"_ Poor Master Bruce." He shakes his head, watching the young fellow struggle with his restraints. The poor billionaire was muttering frantically about trying to find the Joker and Harley. "Never been the same since his parents died."


End file.
